Transformers: Revenge of the Pudding Heads

All right, so I’m a couple of weeks late to this party. I finally saw the Transformers movie last night. I can’t believe this was the movie I was so looking forward to months ago. Unfortunately the experience was much like going to a party given by one of your parents’ friends – you had to go, the party was okay, but staying home could of also worked out fine.

This Transformers movie should serve as a case study for a common Hollywood fallacy that states “more is better”. In this movie more comedy, more explosions, and more robots didn’t make a more enjoyable film. Now had the screenwriters put more originality into the story these excesses could of worked. Instead this movie plods along from one effect scene, to another explosion scene, to a comic relief moment with little subtlety. I know… this is a Michael Bay film; expecting subtlety from Michael Bay is like expecting the Pope to handout condoms at a free clinic – not going to happen.

I saw trouble on the horizon at the opening credits when three names appeared credited with the screenplay. Screenplays by committee seldom produce worthwhile results. What annoyed me most about Transformers was the “cutesy” factor. The two jive talking, twin Autobots and Mikaela’s pet Decepticon were glaring examples of screenwriters desperately trying to connect with the kid audience (blatant merchandise development posing as story). Another low points included - Sam’s dog (Mojo) and the pet Decepticon’s leg-humping bits (cheap laughs from lazy screenwriters), Sam’s annoying college roommate (who added nothing to the story), and Sam’s over-the-top mother (a smaller dose was funnier in the first film). I wonder is there a screenwriters’ Magic Eight Ball that they shake whenever they need a conflict between their main characters? In this case the ball showed “boyfriend can’t say, ‘I love you’ to girlfriend.” Sam and Mikaela, fighting to save the world from total annihilation, have no time for romantic conflict. I’m sorry, but saving the world requires complete focus from those involved. Obviously the screenwriters felt the urge to give the female audience a token plot point, too bad this one clanked so hollow.

By now I’ve created the impression that I hated Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. So let me say that watching the vehicles transform into robots is such a cool effect that each time it happened it stirred my inner-geek. I give Michael Bay credit, the purported 200 million dollar budget is all on the screen – every technical aspect of this film is top drawer. Bay has developed a great relationship with the U.S. Defense Department, so they give Bay access to the coolest military paraphernalia (aircraft carriers, jets, tanks, etc.) that I love watching Bay play toy soldiers on such a life-size scale. To say nothing about how Michael Bay does more to keep explosive manufactures in business, than some small terrorist organizations; lots of things loudly going BOOM on the screen all the time. Fabulous! Then there’s Megan Fox… boobs, booms, and Autobots - a combo that’s all ready taken in over 700 million dollars worldwide at the box office (Boxofficemojo.com).

It just too bad a little more attention didn’t go into a creating a better story to pull all these elements together into a tighter movie. Too bad that instead of “more is better”, no one recalled the better old Hollywood chestnut - “It’s the story, stupid!”